I thought of a new idea for the blog that will allow me to fulfill my internal requirement of updating regularly, without having to actually write a whole lot. But I think my readership will be satisfied with the post, and so I my absolute awesomeness will be reaffirmed. With that I introduce "Totally Trivial Crap from Pop Culture that Really Bugs Me." I think the title is pretty self-explanatory. I'll just dive right in.
1) GUNS N' ROSES "NOVEMBER RAIN" VIDEO - Do you remember the "November Rain" video? It came out in the summer of 1991 (I think) and it was absolutely mind-blowing. It was like 9 minutes long, and told the story of Axl Rose's relationship with Stephanie Seymour, who at the time was arguably the hottest women alive and made made me understand the meaning of "lust" (if you don't know who Stephanie Seymour is, you suck as a human being and I suggest you google her immediately). Her wedding dress in the video, super-short and showing her garter, made my want to kill myself. I just couldn't take it. She was too frickin' hot. Good lord. Anyways, the video portrays their rocky relationship that culminates in them getting married, except it starts to rain, and as a result, Stephanie Seymour, who may or may not be a robot, dies, and it's just awful.* I'm getting choked up writing this because it was just so sad. Also Slash has an awesome guitar solo, although he's standing outside of the huge church that is packed with people, and you wonder why the church is in the middle of the desert and why there isn't a single car there. Although that's not what bugs me.
Here's what bugs me - at the wedding reception, when it starts to rain (with the little boy who first looks up at the rain and is just adorable), people start freaking out and running for cover. Which is sort of understandable, because the guests were wearing nice clothing - espcially the women (although Ricki Rathman was one of the guests at the wedding - I'll bet he was wearing a super fancy tux. Although was he wearing a tux? Was he even wearing a shirt? Fortunately, thanks to youtube.com, I can probably watch the video right now. But I don't feel like it). BUT, and this is huge, this one dude, in an effort to get to cover, jumps through
the beautiful, multi-layered wedding cake that is sitting on a table waiting to be cut. Obviously, the cake is destroyed. This bugs the shit out of me. WHY DID HE HAVE TO JUMP THROUGH THE CAKE? It was totally unnecessary, and obviously he did it just to tell his friends that he jumped through the cake. What a douchebag. More importantly, why didn't the wedding planners or the caterers protect the cake by moving it somewhere else? And wasn't there some sort of contingency plan for in case is started raining? They weren't ushering people to some dry, covered area so that they wouldn't freak out at the fact that it was raining? All that stuff is tangential, but the fact that the guy jumped through the cake was just totally messed up, and I hate him forever for it.
This is weird. I was only sort of bothered by the fact that he jumped through the cake when I started writing this, but now I truly hate the guy.
Anyway, that's the first installment of "Totally Trivial Crap from Pop Culture That Really Bugs Me." More to come. In the meantime, promise me that you won't jump through a wedding cake. I understand it would be pretty sweet to be able to do so, but it's just so totally gratuitous. Please. PLEASE.
Anyways, here's the youtube link to the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DrH_eb7r6w&search=Guns%20N%27%20Roses%20November%20Rain
I just watched it again. It's so fucking awesome (although the asshole jumps through the cake at the 6:58 mark, totally ruining it for everybody). Literally, it just blew my mind. Again.
*As it ends, the video says it was based on the short story "Without You" by Del James. When we were in 7th grade and this video came out, my friend Josh Randall and I were desperately searching for this story, trying to figure out what the fuck actually happens. Alas we could never find it - our public library didn't have anything by Del James. And so we sat and suffered, thinking that we'd never know what happened to Stephanie and Axl. Well, wouldn't you know it, thanks to the internet, you can find "Without You" by Del James here:http://www.dimaggio.org/DoNotClick/Favourites/november_rain.htm
It should be awesome, although from just looking at it, the word "BLAMM" is prominently involved. Still I'm printing it out and reading tonight. I can't describe my excitement. If any of you know Josh Randall, who I believe is now an actor living in New York, please be sure to make sure he gets the link. He'd be even more excited than me.